Dear Emily,
I know that being a girl and 12 is never easy. And I know that mothers and daughters don't always get along. In fact, sometimes it is quite the opposite. I want you to know that's ok. I also want you to know that I will always be there for you. Always. I will try my hardest to always listen to you and your needs. We may not always agree but I want you to know that your opinions and feelings do matter. They always have and they always will. Not only do they matter, but they are important. Don't ever forget to listen to what your heart is telling you. I hope you never see a day when you are afraid to do that. I hope you never encounter a situation in which you feel it is not ok to express your needs. And I hope, that if you do, you know that I will be there to support in you in any way that I can.
You are a beautiful person. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. In retrospect, anyone in my life who has was either jealous of something I had, or a miserable and self-loathing person who needed to put other people down. But because I remember hearing that and it not helping, I hope you also know that it's ok to get mad. It's ok to fight back. It's ok to fall back on those that love you for reinforcement. And it's ok to cry. It's ok to be unhappy, or unsure. It's ok to be confused. It's ok to be happy. It's ok to laugh. It's ok to know what you want. It's ok to like the person that you are. It's ok to be smart. It's ok to be different. It's ok to be your own person. It's also ok to be like other people. It's normal to want to fit in, it's normal to be unique.
Remember that friends will have ups and downs but no true friend will ever intentionally put you down, so don't put up with their shit. It's ok to stick up for yourself. It's ok to stick up for others. It's also ok to walk away.
Never be afraid to be a loving person. And may it be some comfort to you to know that down the road, it won't matter what kind of clothes you wore, or the music you listened to, but the person that you were and the way you treated yourself, and those around you.
Don't ever be afraid or ashamed of making mistakes. Mistakes are the biggest lessons in disguise. Embrace them and learn from them instead of hiding from them. It is what we do with the things we stumble across in life that makes it a positive or a negative journey. So make the most of it!
Know that when you need someone, I am here. And if I am not who you need, there is a large network of people that are loving you, and cheering you on, waiting in the wings to support you in what ways they can. You are an inspiration.
Savor your existence. Take chances. Make decisions boldly. And be safe! Listen to what your mind and heart tell you is right for you, and go for it! When you stumble, dust yourself off and get back up. Or sit out for a round or two and rest. Remember to take care of yourself.
I write this now as you are 5 years old and I am so blessed to be your mom. And proud of you. You have such a big and beautiful personality, and you know yourself so well already. Your teachers in pre-k tell me how well you stick up for yourself, and what a good friend, bright child you are. I see that too. I love you, and I love every minute with you. Even the power struggles. You have taught me so much about myself, about you, and about the world around us and I look forward to watching you grow and make your place in this world. You are so smart, and lovable and fun. You have saved my life.
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This is the first letter in a series that will eventually make it into a book to give to my daughter when she is older. There are so many things that I want her to know about herself when she was younger, about my thoughts about being her mom, about how very loved she is, how incredible she is....
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