dancing across space

There have been times in my life where I was absolutely sure of where I stand in his life. Or so I thought. There have also been times where my resolve to force him into some sort of standardized role in my life has made me numb. None of it ever works. For some reason it is those moments he picks to reveal whats really inside and my resolve shatters. I am tired of dancing though. My patience, a quality in me that he says is undying, is wearing thin. Without him in front of me I can see it waver and realize that someday it may come to never saying goodbye, just making a decision and walking away without letting him know that this is it. What he doesn't realize is that when we are face to face I think would patient forever. When we are apart it is another story.

This might not be the right time...

At some point I will have to grow up. I really will. But for now, I quite like the butterflies it gives me when he calls and tells me sweet things. It is moments like those that keep me hanging on to the vast space and time between visits. When we are together, it all makes sense. When we are not together, more and more all the time, it still makes sense.

The challenge is justifying the rest of it. And finding the point at which common ground exists, in which we actually live in the same place.

After so many years of being in this place, I think I am almost ready to admit how I feel, and for it to move along. Even if just for clarity's sake. I am getting impatient. And scared.