Someday...

I have recently ended my relationship with my significant other. This was a very painful process. Not only because it's painful anytime something important ends, but because some of what he was, was everything I thought I had wanted.

And yet, I felt suffocated. I was yearning for time of my own. I had forgotten what it felt like to spend an extended period of time doing whatever happened to cross my mind at any given moment.

What I am now facing within my head, is that desire to have the intimate companionship and dealing with the fact that I feel like I want it only on my terms. I wonder if there is a place in me that will be ready to compromise. I am ok with not doing that right now. I am excited about this phase in my life. I just wonder if someday....

Indulgences

This weekend is the first weekend I have spent doing whatever I please in way too long. Sure there are a million things I should be doing, most of them work related, but something the new crispness that fall has left in the air makes me more defiant than usual, and the result has been lovely. I had made plans earlier in the week out of a feeling of obligation. When the weekend rolled around I just couldn't do it. So what precisely have I been doing?

I read Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk while laying in bed and eating bread and cheese until three am.

I crafted two items for a swap I am in on Craftster, and finished a baby blanket for a friend.

I went craft shopping and overindulged, which felt exquisite.

I started a hat for the aforementioned baby.

I sketched a magpie for a painting.

I have been drinking a lot of tea.

Lots of pajama wearing.

Had lunch with an old and amazing friend.

Had breakfast with a friend.

This morning I woke up on my own at 8am-ish, and layed around for a few hours reading Eat, Pray, Love. And so far the book is amazing. I can tell it is going to spur one of those periods of utter spirituality seeking in my life. I am ok with that.

I had conversation with someone who lives too far away, and who soon, will be even farther away fighting in a dessert.

Now, I am going to plan a trip to Seattle, and paint a magpie. And maybe crochet a hat.

Tonight, I am going to demonstrate just how crazy I am by taking 12 youth to the haunted corn maze and I am going to love every single moment of it. Especially the part at the end when I make up my mind about whether to get the kettle corn or the caramel apple.

Frustration is bound to ensue...

Me: *rolls eyes as I pass by the Students for McCain table

Pompous ass at the McCain table: You registered to vote?

Me: oh yeah

Pompous Ass: Got a minute to hear about a man who stands for change?

Me: Nope, sure don't!

Chick at McCain table: How can you as a woman not have a moment in this historic election to give it a thought?

Me: Oh, I've thought about it. I am just pretty damn sure I'm not voting for McCain/Palin.

Chick: Why wouldn't you vote for her? The first woman vice president! *tune it all out, don't want to hear about it* mavericks!

Me: Did you seriously just say that? Maverick? Did you know that while she was the mayor of Wasilla, they started charging rape victims for the rape kits they use to treat them in the hospital?

*Chicky's mouth drops. Whispers something into Pompous ass's ear*

As I am walking away, I hear him say "It's in Alaska"


This is what scares me folks. The number of women out there voting for McCain/Palin just because Palin is a woman. Does this make them feel like they now have their "gender equality badge"? Because if you check the number of institutions, environments, social mindsets that are women friendly in the country you would find that we all fail....assuming that putting a woman in the white house just because we feel like it is a huge step up for women could be the greatest mistake we as voters could make. Just because she has charm does not make her fit for the white house. I mean, I can be damn friendly when I really want to, throw in a wink or two and I am downright pleasing. That doesn't make me a good candidate. But I certainly wouldn't make victims of sexual crimes pay for their own damn treatment kits in the hospital before they receive any treatment! WAKE UP PEOPLE!