In the last 24 hours I have come into contact with numerous people from my past. This always seems to happen in waves. I realize this is partly due to the fact that internet social sites spread information like a disease and what not, but its still a little strange. One of these people is 'the first love' figure. Now, there is an angsty and torrid history there that involves lots of gossip, making out, indecision, and someone losing their virginity in the back of a van at a conference to a girl the other person had a crush on. (go figure). Curiosity is getting the best of me and making me wonder what it's all about. Not just him, but all of them. I mean, I regularly think of certain key figures in my past, but I just figure that was more just me being a human rolodex that clings to memories. (And I mean that in the most endearing sort of way...) I guess I never figured that I would be in someone else's mental rolodex...

In other news, I start the couch to 5k program on Thursday, who's excited? The closer it gets, the louder my inner-whiner is getting. It's a lovely battle raging inside me.

life don't need an air-o-plane to chase you down

I have been noticing that lately, I get frustrated a lot easier than normal. My guess is that this comes from sitting at a computer all day long and not doing shit in the way of exercise, with the exception of yoga (which, by the way, kicked my ass last week). So the new conclusion is this: I must get some real exercise. And I am too cheap to pay for it. I have always had this wierd admiration for running. I am more in love with the idea of it, then with actually doing it. But it occured to me that maybe that is because I have been going about it all wrong. It's like learning to ride a bike, or having sex for the first time-it just akward and sucky. But eventually it gets better. I can't just start running right out of the gate, I need to ease my way into it. I have a friend that is following this couch to 5k program with rave reviews so I figure-eh, why the hell not-it's worth a try. SO! Here's the deal...over the course of nine weeks I will gradually work my way up to running three miles. Which sounds ridiculously overwhelming right now. But like I said above, start slow...
Week one consist of three days of a brisk 5 minute warm up walk and then 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for 30 minutes. I can totally do that! Right? We'll see...I start on Thursday morning...

my yoga teacher

is not who I was hoping she'd be.

It's a lesson in communication. That is how I am choosing to look at it. We walk into the studio, and there is way too much incense which automatically gives me a headache, luckily she puts it out before we begin. However, this being the first class of the session, you would assume that an instructor would spend time asking questions like "do you have any injuries you are recovering from, or sensitive areas?" One would assume that you would certainly do this before going and stepping on someones hands while in downward dog and shoving their shoulders in and up.

Golly gee, thanks, I had totally forgot what it felt like to make that shoulder injury flare up, thanks.

I did have a little chat with her. I was nice, I was polite. Which was a big feat considering how neaseous I felt.

We will see what happens next week. I am pretty particular about my stress relieving techniques NOT causing more stress, yes I know, outrageous standards, but what can ya do?

time makes you older/children get older

Stepping into the church I was hit like a battering ram into the stomach with memories haunting me. Memories from a past I can't let go, and memories from a past I don't want to remember. How do those two become so intertwined?

I sat in the courtyard with a group of people that has not sat together since I was 15. That was more than 10 years ago. Ten years. What have I been doing since then? A lot. More than I could put into a 20 minute life update a memorial allows for. I walked away from that circle filled with questions about these dear people I don't keep in touch with, and a yearning for these connections to maintain between the weddings and funerals that seem to be increasing in frequency.

I was struck by the maturity of his 5 year old daughter, who requested to be the first to light a candle in his honor. She walked up there and told everyone how much she loved her dad, and that no amount of missing him, and wishing he were back, would actually bring him back. But that she would still always love him and he would always love her.

This man filled the world with music and love beyond wonder.