Sometimes life is grand.

My five year old woke up this morning next to me and without even saying good morning proclaimed "My fairy godmother is here, I just know it! Auntie Nessa is here, mom!" And bounded out of the bedroom and into the living room to find she was right. Her eyes were huge with excitement and she danced and bounced in place in front of Auntie Nessa and started formulating plans in her head of what will be done.

They spent the morning making baby paper cranes to go with her mommy one that I stumbled through making yesterday (and kept my swearing to a minimum.) Auntie Nessa makes them with much more grace than I do. I made pancakes and smoothies and we lit the breakfast chalice and ate together.

Emily said "Mom, I want to go on a walk with just Auntie Nessa, not you, is that ok?" They just bounded down the sidewalk and out of sight as I stared and sighed. I feel so blessed to have an Auntie Nessa in our lives. To have THE Auntie Nessa in our lives. I think every parent, especially single parents need at least one friend like her. The one that knows you so well you don't have to talk but you do because it's enjoyable. Who is in sync with your parenting style to the point where they can step in when needed with no anxiety or worries. One who is so in love with your child that you can see it in her smile and eyes. And one whom your child is absolutely giddy at the mention of. Being around her makes being a parent even more enjoyable and relaxed.

I feel blessed.

time makes you older/children get older

Stepping into the church I was hit like a battering ram into the stomach with memories haunting me. Memories from a past I can't let go, and memories from a past I don't want to remember. How do those two become so intertwined?

I sat in the courtyard with a group of people that has not sat together since I was 15. That was more than 10 years ago. Ten years. What have I been doing since then? A lot. More than I could put into a 20 minute life update a memorial allows for. I walked away from that circle filled with questions about these dear people I don't keep in touch with, and a yearning for these connections to maintain between the weddings and funerals that seem to be increasing in frequency.

I was struck by the maturity of his 5 year old daughter, who requested to be the first to light a candle in his honor. She walked up there and told everyone how much she loved her dad, and that no amount of missing him, and wishing he were back, would actually bring him back. But that she would still always love him and he would always love her.

This man filled the world with music and love beyond wonder.