I like this....

Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:


¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing
themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my
friends.

With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously
cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am.”

The Story of Going Vegan...maybe.

For some reason saying "vegan" is so much more intimidating than saying "plant based diet" and I can't figure out why. Maybe because in my mind, I think about all the foods I would be cutting out of my diet when I hear "vegan" whereas "plant based diet" is more about adding more plants into my diet and less processed foods and less meat. I haven't decided if I want to completely cut all animal products out of my diet, or if I just want to go for like 80%. And I know I won't be getting rid of the boots or belt that I already own that have leather in them because let's face it, I am too damn broke for that noise!

Why the new preoccupation with a plant-based diet, you ask? Well. I recently decided to be more open to the signs, symbols and opportunities that the Universe was sending my way, because in the past, that has only been a good thing. And in doing so, I realized I am SURROUNDED by veganism. And more than that, I can SEE the differences it has made for the people around me. I also have been given or lended several books and cookbooks lately about cleaner food sources that are better for us, the animals, the environment. I had this moment yesterday of extreme excitement when I realized that in one cookbook I was looking through, I could count on fingers how many recipes involved nuts. (I am allergic to several different nuts in varying degrees and it has always been a huge barrier to considering going vegan in the past.)

Also, and this is where we enter into the TMI zone, if I am being quite honest with myself, dairy and meat give me terrible gas when I eat them. I am slightly sad to admit that the last time I ate my favorite, terrible "meat eater" food (bacon) it gave me horrendous stomach pain. But! I am consoled by how good I CAN feel by some possible changes.

On top of all that, I am plagued lately by an overall sluggish feeling. Having cut out gluten for the most part, and being able to have gauged amazing results from that experiment, I started wondering if a plant based diet would yield further results. I want to be one of those really energetic, active, and happy people and I just can't find my mojo. So...here we go!

Staring February 8th, I am going to gradually wean myself off of animal products by adding in more and more plant based foods. I have decided that I want to do most of my own cooking, to make it cheaper, to cut down on processed foods, and to provide less temptation. I feel that if I really want to see how I feel I need to give it a fair shot, but I am not going to throw out all the food in my house that no longer meets (meats? get it?) my preferences. Again, too broke for that noise.

So, I know it has been a while, but I am going to skip right over the part where I talk about why I don't post here as much anymore and launch right into the juiciness that has brought me back to whine and vent and share the trials and tribulations of this mom here.

My 7 year old (almost 8) has her first boyfriend.

Yeah. That silence you felt is the same silence emanating from my shock and total loss at how to react. I mean, the part of me that is pre-emptively angsty about not fitting in or feeling the pain of being on the outside for her before she gets there may be slightly relieved at the fact that somehow, in the social structure of her oh-so mature 2nd grade class, she has a place. And when I stop and think about it, there are times I wish I could go back to having a 2nd grade relationship where you like each other, and send cute notes, and wave across the room and it's sweet and innocent. (Except not because I like my wonderful, adult, healthy relationship that has come into my life.) (And, not to mention, when I was in 2nd grade, boys were still yucky.) But the mom in me that wants to protect her from any sort of pain has already imagined the day she comes home and cries to me because this boy decided he also likes her best friend and wants to be her boyfriend for a while, because let's face it. 2nd grade relationships? Last about as long as any sort of freshly baked good when my daughter and boyfriend are both home. The fierce mother lioness in me can already feel the desire to yell at her friend "WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU, YOU BOYFRIEND STEALING BITTY!" and then shake the boy "DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TEACH YOU SOME TACT AND MANNERS???" And that is when I get escorted off the school grounds for being "that parent" and the kids and parents alike whisper to each other when we pass by and Em no longer gets invited to birthday parties or sleepovers because she has that crazy, emotionally unstable mother, and she becomes that girl in the back of the class that out of loneliness develops the habit of....OH WAIT!

Let's snap back to the present moment where my daughter is standing in front of me, bouncing and grinning out of joy with the note clutched in her hand that says "Do you want to be my girlfriend? Circle one: Yes/No". She is so happy. And more than that, she has the trust in me to confide in me these things. To tell me who she has a crush on, and that she doesn't care if people don't understand it, she likes him anyway. And that she can tell me how happy she is that he sent her this note. And that she can also tell me when she is hurting, or confused. That she can tell me when she needs a moment to herself, and that she has learned enough about herself in this world to know when she needs a hug and that she knows she can always get one from me. The angry lioness of a mom is slowly getting quieter and quieter because I am struck with the thought: Oh damn, I must be doing SOMETHING right...

GO ME!