Leaving space for the divine.

So many times in life have I felt like the rest of the commitments or pressures outside of my home were sucking out the spiritual aspect of parenting and putting too much focus on the practical and the "must-do's" like making sure meals are made, baths are given, clothes are washed, play dates are organized, etc. And I let it happen. And I think this is a shame because some of the most magical aspects of being a parent for me have come when sharing with my daughter an experience with Spirit. So, I leave this book by my bed where I see it everyday, and this is a nice reminder to me to not get too bogged down in the practical so that I leave room for the spiritual, divine, and magical. I also pick it up from time to time and read it, which is even better! I get so worried sometimes about crushing the more sensitive parts of my little girls spirit, and this book has provided me much comfort and creativity in honoring the parts of her that are in tune with parts of the world most people don't see. And honoring and getting in touch with those parts of myself.

I believe that I last wrote about my experiences with discomfort in the god language with principle number one, Know that God Loves You. (I have accepted the fact that one of my biggest spiritual tasks is getting over my past experience with "GOD" and getting to know the presences looking out for me in a way that is purely my own.) I think because of this I put the book down for a while. But since getting beyond that principle I am only continually inspired by what this book is saying. It was almost as if Principle #2 catered to the UU in me. It is "Trust and Teach That All Life is Connected" and is something I wholeheartedly believe to be true. And it is a principle that is definitely at work in our home. My daughter spends a good portion of time trying to better the lives of bugs, animals, people, and plants that we see everyday because "if I were a ladybug on the sidewalk Mommy, I would want someone to help me home and not squash me!" And while reviewing the suggested journal ideas and activites to get us more involved with our community, Emily delighted in quite a few of them. Watching her express her concern for the world around her tugs at my mommy pride heartstrings, as well as moves me to help her make the world she will be living in a better place.

Principle #3 has had a most profound affect on me. It is quite simple. And it is something I really strive to do more of. It is simply "Listen to Your Child". What a difference it makes too. Lately, I have made a point to not do any work during the day while Em is home with me because that was the whole reason for not taking any classes aside from online ones this summer, was to give myself the freedom to be with my child, to see the world from her eyes, and discover where that takes us. I realize how impatient of a person I can be when I know that there are things I will need to be doing next, or when things aren't moving fast enough for me, and I believe one of the lessons I have to learn from my child is how to slow down. The other day while laying in bed at rest time, Emily put a hand on each side of my face, looked me deep in the eye and said "Mommy, I love you. And it makes me happy to play with you and not have to wait while you work." These little gems are my child revealing to me her needs, wants and desires. It was a wake up call to the fact that I was unintentionally telling my child that homework came before her. One thing I hope to foster in my relationship with my daughter is an unquestionable respect for each other and the ability to be able to say things like this to each other, now, and as she grows. I plan to re-read this chapter and try some of the suggestions they have for building in "Listening time" to daily routines with children; and also to let the very concept of making room for listening become built into my life. I don't ever want her to feel like she won't be heard when she voices her thoughts.


In following the principles and ideas picked up from this book, tomorrow I will be packing a lunch, some pens and paper, and a blanket and heading out to the arboretum where we have been watching frogs grow from eggs, to tadpole, to full-blown frog, and just taking our time to be together, to watch nature, and to draw or write what ever comes to mind. Emily has been so interested in telling stories that incorporate what she is seeing in the world around her, and I want to give her the chance to process parts of the world outside of the media obsessed world she sees on a daily basis.

Know who cares for me?

So I have been reading this book called 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting: Nurturing your Child's Soul. As the title indicates there are 10 principles. This book came highly recommended by a friend of mine and sounded like a good idea because my little girl finds wonder in EVERYTHING including big hairy spiders. I want to foster that wonder and help her find what that means in her life, and how she honors that every day. And let's be honest, with all the volunteer work I do at church most of the spirituality feels drained out lately, so I could use the reminder on a daily basis myself. I think I said this before, but the God language in this book was startling at first. I haven't spent time on my faith in a God context since I was probably 8, and to be honest, the man scared me.

So anyhow, the first principle is "Know God cares for you". It took me a longer time in my late teens and early 20's than I care to admit to acknowledge that all the blessings in my life were no longer just coincidence and definitely the work of something bigger than us all. Once I accepted that it was amazing how less alone I felt. Since then I have often thought of how much different my life may have been during that time period if I had never forgotten how to feel and recognize that something bigger than me, all of us.

What I did enjoy about this part though was that in addition to the normal suggestions for prayer, there was a couple realistic and less denominationally related ideas on how to integrate daily rituals to establish a connection between our children and deity, guided meditations for children and adults alike.

Shortly before reading this chapter, Emily and I started a dinner time chalice lighting every night, and a morning chalice lighting upon waking every morning. Em gets so pumped about this that she is eager and waiting when the time comes. She has the words memorized and has begun to think through out the day what she would like to say as far as joys go during our lighting. For me, it has become a nice reminder to be present in daily life and to appreciate all the small joys I am blessed with on a daily basis. It fits nicely into our daily schedules and provides us both with a quiet time to sit with the spirit and be thankful, and to reflect.

When we light out chalice we say: Life is a gift for which we are grateful, we celebrate all the glories and all the mysteries of this great gift.

In the morning we talk about what we are looking forward to or hoping for in our day, and at dinner we reflect on the memorable events that took place and what we are thankful for.

At the end of the morning circle or dinner, we say "May all that we do be done in love" and blow the chalice out.

If anything I got out of reading about this, it is an increased awareness of spirit. And while I still wouldn't use the word God when describing my own spirituality, I am much more comfortable and respectful of when others do than I was 10 years ago, and now know more what they mean...

Mom blog.

So while I was at AGM I attended a workshop, which I have mentioned a dozen times to anyone who will listen, on spiritual routine in family life. Among the resources recommended was a book title "10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting: Nurturing Your Child's Soul" written by mom and daughter duo Mimi Doe and Marsha Walch, Ph.D. I thumbed through it a little and thought to myself "I have got to get this book..." so that is just what I did. I found a copy at Smith Family Bookstore (what would I do without a totally bitchin used bookstore right here in town?) for a whole six bucks. Sweetness. At the end of each chapter there are a list of activities, meditations, things to ponder, etc. It would make a really great tool for a parents group.

So I read through the first chapter and partway through the second and so far, it is really speaking to me. The only thing I am having a problem with is that there is a lot of God language, which is apparently a word I have some discomfort around. Anyhow, I have decided to put into practice some of the things outlined in this book, so expect to hear a lot more about it.

Also, I am LOVING the fact that I can see signs of Spring popping up everywhere. Em and I have totally been enjoying the bright light and she has taken to chirping and singing with the birds. Today we are going to my favorite natural home and garden store here in town (Down to Earth) to pick out garden stuff and possibly some sort of composter/worm bin. I think Em would truly get a kick out of a worm bin.

In other news, yesterday we had Em's birthday party at the roller skating rink. I had very mixed feelings going into this, all of which were verified throughout the party. Young children at an overcrowded rink full of experienced and speedy skaters equals chaos. But there is one experience that has left me scratching my head. There was a little girl skating with Em and her friends, which I assumed was one of the kids we invited (I admit, I don't know what all her friends look like and some of their parents were handily absent). She sat down and had cake with us and everything. I asked Em later what her name was and she said "I don't know that girl. I have never seen her before!" Later we saw this child with a man. Or rather, saw her following a man around, trying to keep up with him, and as we exited the rink, this little girl was roaming around the parking lot all by herself. She could not have been more than 5 years old. I was shocked at the nonchalance with which this man who was charged with her care watched her walk in front of cars and around parked cars waiting to back out, not saying any words of caution to her. I asked if she was lost and only then did the man speak up that she was with him.

Who does that? I would be terrified to see my little girl carelessly walking in a parking lot, not to mention letting her wander by herself in a crowded skating rink. I wanted to hug her...