Remember that guy?

Let me start by saying that I don't EVER want to be a teenager again. Ever. No one could pay me enough to go through that swamp of hormones, angst, broken hearts, and dramatic days. Ever.

But.

I really miss some of the friendships. Recently Vanessa brought down a photo album from youth conferences and we pulled out mine as well and spent a good hour or two looking through them, putting names to faces and talking about where all these people went.

"Remember the night I couldn't sleep because of nightmares so you guys stayed up with me all night long?"

"Remember when we got kicked out of the no-talent show because we were laughing too hard and went and rearranged the messages written on the dorm windows with masking tape?"

"Oh my god! I remember that kid! He was so funny!"

"Oh damn. Flattering. That was taken after dancing for four hours straight."

"Hey, I remember this! This was that night we rented the hotel room after the planning meeting and..."

"Hahaha, I can't believe we actually got him to put that on!"

Along with all these come flooding in the secrets, the bonding, the feeling of total acceptance. That feeling of knowing that even though it was going to be at least 6 months until you saw them next, when you did they were still some of your best friends.

And then we all got old. We moved away, went to school, got married, had kids, started our own businesses, passed away, drifted into a life completely our own and totally separate and away from the places we used as a breeding ground of intimate friendships.

I miss them. Well, most of them.

Also, I still have all the pictures suckers! Expect some exploitation coming to a facebook near you.

Letting go? Now why would I want to do a silly thing like that?

Ok people. My baby is no longer a baby. Well, she hasn't been for quite some time but arg! I spent the day scoping potential schools that will have a large hand in shaping my childs enthusiasm (and hopefully not a lack thereof) of learning for the nexts six years of her life. Oh gee, no pressure.

What ever happened to childhood? Maybe it is me, but when I read on one schools website that kindergarteners only get two twenty minute recess's I was automatically turned off. As someone who used to work in child development with the age group just younger than kindergarten, I would rather eat a brick of salt than expect to only give the little darlings twenty minutes to run around and play before expecting them to come in, settle down, and pay attention. Has it always been this way? I feel old when I start the next part of this sentence, but back in my day, recess was so much more than that!

Anyhow, that school had no music program, a crappy library and a poor excuse for an art curriculum. One thing I noticed though, that makes me truly sad, is that all the good schools are in the upper middle class to rich neighborhoods. And by good schools I mean strong community aspect, strong music/art, lots of awesome extracurricular, an emphasis on the joy of learning and how each individual child will find that differently, and other awesome things such as gardening, composting, field trips and community service. I have always known the disproportions (is that a word? it is now...) existed, but I never really took the time to examine them. Or, as much as I hate to admit this, maybe I wasn't looking that hard before becuase it didn't affect me or my family? So what are the familes that aren't in the "right" neighborhoods supposed to do? I mean, I lucked out in that I have friends who live in the areas I need an address in and are willing to help me cheat the system, but not everyone does or can do that. Are they just supposed to accept a mediocre education for their children that will continue to have lasting affects on the way they learn, the way they view themselves and school? That's bullshit. But how does one equal it out?

This quiet rage that has sprung up about this has been a distraction from the fact that more than ever before I am realizing how fast children grow up and battling the urge to just squeeze her. I never anticipated just how difficult I would find it to share the responsibility of her education with other people. There was a time when unschooling or homeschooling sounded so awesome and pleasant until I tried that whole stay at home mom thing. (I would like to think it would have turned out differently with a more supportive and stable spouse.) And I think there is incredible value in the lessons that happen in a public school outside the lesson plan. But Oy. Letting go, who knew, right?