Over the last few years or more, I have put a focus on being really intentional about the people I let into my life. And this has done me much good. I have let go of some really unhealthy relationships, and made peace with situations that were beyond my control. But there are a few people that I have held close to me through out all of this because I really like the idea of them in my life, of the way it feels when they are actually present in my life. At one time, all of these people were very vital parts of my life. I couldn't differentiate between what used to be and what is now without feeling like I was disrespecting where they used to stand within my heart. This has taught me a great deal about the lengths I will go for people sometimes.

But I can only stretch so far for some of these people. Recently I realized that through my efforts to keep one particular person in my life, I have kept in my mind an idea of who we used to be around each other. And I used to be someone very different. Such as, my tendency to be a door mat to certain people. And my tendency to put ungodly amounts of effort into certain people and not enough into others. I have been done with that part of me for so long, but in failing to see the bigger picture and possibility, I have become her again around this person. I am not going to be the one that makes all the effort anymore. I am letting go of sole responsibility for maintaining these friendships so that I can free up some energy to direct to people who are capable of acting like they give a damn. And I am *really* tired of the arrogance that comes along with some people thinking that because they aren't here, my life sucks ass.

I am ready to cultivate more reciprocal relationships in my life. And I don't mean just letting people in that will give back what they are getting (even though that's cool too), but relationships that of mutual benefit and respect. I am ready for people in my life that are there throughout, not just when they are lonely or have nothing better to do. I am demanding that I treat people in my life with more respect, and I am demanding that the people in my life treat me with more as well.

This post wasn't meant to sound like an epic declaration. Just a reminder to myself that it's ok to let these people go. Because I am tired of the drama and the pain that comes with trying to keep these people around. No more fairweather friends.