in/peccare

I have been receiving a lot of messages in life recently. Most of them are telling me to ignore people in one way or another. The attitude people project and the way they treat people is a projection of what is inside of them, and the way they feel about themselves. I think this is so valuable to remember. How many times has the way I am feeling about myself colored my feelings and actions towards other people? More than I care to admit. I am the kind of person who tends to take things really personally. There are certain people in my life with whom it is a constant struggle to not walk away from interactions with them angry or hurt. It helps me to remember just how miserable they are inside. (Not that I assume all assholes are miserable inside, but the ones I know well really are miserable inside.) It is not my responsibility to account for their misery, nor is it to make them feel better, or take some of the toxic load off of their shoulders. I am responsible for myself.

I was recently given a copy of "The Four Agreements" based on Toltec wisdom. The first agreement is to be impeccable with my words. Sounds simple enough right? The word comes from the latin word impeccabilis. In- (without) and -peccare (to sin). Sin is not only a biblicial thing, but an intent, a presence of malice. So to be impeccable with my words is to be without judgement, or falsity. (Is falsity a word? It is now...) To have an intent of positivity or gentleness. Not only with others, but with myself. This affects the way I interact with myself and with others. The way I approach, engage, and respond.

I have been working on this the last week or two. This and not internalizing the negativity of others. The pleasant side effect of this is that it has helped me cultivate positive attitudes and presence in life. I have this vision that can only be described as vitality. An attitude and feeling in life that I strive for. A way of life. A way of serving others. A way of being. It is closer. I can feel it.