This is my rant on love.

My life is not a movie. And it CERTAINLY isn't a Disney movie. But damn it all, I was raised in a Disney culture and indoctrinated with the idea that true and instant love exists if you are a pretty, prim and proper princess always perfectly groomed. And if you make yourself that, prince charming will come along, take one look at you and be madly in love. Love will be instantly professed via song, and you will spend the rest of your lives making each others happily ever after come true, after you overcome some obstacle put forth by an overdramatized yet poor excuse for a real life road block. (But you will do it with the grace and poise of a princess, not really putting any effort forth because your MAN is there to protect you.)

This is, of course, total bullshit.

And I have put forth good effort to realize what total shit it all is. Prince Charming doesn't exist. In my experience, anyone who immediately professes love is a complete psycho, has mommy issues, or is so co-dependent and needy that it makes my eyes cross. And being serenaded a profession of love is just embarassing. Furthermore, anyone who thinks they immediately love you generally has some mold or pedestal they have poured you into or stored you on (pedestals often start to feel like shelves after a while too) and it leads to a really frustrating learning curve when you are yourself instead of adhering to their fantasy. (Not that fantasies are ALWAYS bad, but let's face it, sometimes reality just pours in whether you like it or not. The more you accept that, the better things are.) Obstacles don't leave you after a half assed attempt at defeating them with you triumphantly looking pristine and beautiful. You look like hell has drug you through your worst nightmare and abandonded you in the middle a personal barren wasteland. (Or maybe that's just me?) Prince Charming isn't always the brave man he is supposed to be, he wails and hides from spiders, ignores bills he can't pay to gamble, drinks too much or lets you do an unfair portion of the work. People are real. They fart, they have cold feet under the covers at night, they tell off-color jokes sometimes, and can chew too loud or leave hair in the drain. All of which become the straws that break the camels back when the sparkle of new love wears off and one person realizes that the idea of companionship has jaded their vision and told them a lie.

Ok, but that wasn't my entire point here. Where was I going with this? Oh yes. So, in an attempt to shed all those silly notions of love and accept myself as a very non-disney princess type person, I happened to put up a lot of walls to keep the above events from taking place. I am pretty ok with the decisions I have made recently regarding my love life. In fact, damn near proud that I have been able to pay more attention to my needs than ever before, and have made conscious decisions to let people in or keep them at bay. So maybe I have given up on living out my happily ever after with the rich and handsome prince charming, which is ok, because I have a feeling that life gets pretty boring after that movie ends. But how about one about the quirky, opinionated and sometimes pretty unkempt woman who falls for an old friend and spends years with him trying to navigate what the hell it all means and where it goes? And the whole thing is a crazy, fun, not-so-dramatic and satisfying adventure? Because I think I just stepped into that one.

And now that I have spilled my bitter and cold side, I will have to admit that I do think true love exists. More and more all the time. I do believe that there is at least one person out there for me that won't drive me crazy after the honeymoon period, who loves me when I look like trash as much as he or she loves me when I look glorious. Someone who doesn't strive for perfection or material wealth, but contentment and a more simplistic outlook. Someone who doesn't give up when I am at my less patient, compassionate or tolerant. I am just not in such a hurry to get there that I am willing to settle. Or fool myself into believing "Ok, now THIS is the ONE."

And if all else fails, I will grow old amongst friends, wearing purple and red together, and own lots of dogs of which I will talk to like they are just like you and me.