Knowledge is power but sometimes, it's scary

Normally, I don't write about my struggles with anxiety, but today, I am going to. I am sitting here staring at the computer and waiting for a nurse to call my back before I take these drugs. I have a kidney infection. How it advanced from bladder to kidney without me feeling ANYTHING, I have no idea. How I got it, I have no idea. All I know is that I have one. And ya know, it can kinda be a big deal if it goes untreated. So I go to pick up the meds they prescribed and with it came three pages of fine print warnings about side effects. Scary things like nerve damage and bursting tendons.

**an hour later**

This is the part where I admit that upon reading that I turned into a complete basket case. I called my mom, because no matter how unknowledgable mothers may be about what their children ask them, they are still an authority for some reason. I succeed in freaking her out because, hey, my anxiety had to come from somewhere, right? (She apologizes for this profusely every time she receives one of these phone calls.) Then I call the pharmacist. And she tells me hardly anyone ever experiences those side effects, they just HAVE to tell people about them. (What would the world be like without scare tactics I wonder? I mean, I see why they have to, but f-ing hell...). Then she tells me how serious a kidney infection is, like I don't already know. (From my mom, from the doctor, from past schooling I have received). That I should relax and just take them. Then I talk to my moms nurse friend who essentially says the same thing, and that she is allergic to it, and that yes it has side effects, but so does food. And then how serious a kidney infection is. She is, however, the only person to not do any of the following a)ask if my partner (assuming I even have one) is a clean individual, b) whether I pee after sex, or c) why didn't I seek a doctor when it was just a bladder infection. (Really? If I knew I had one, I would have!) I have a good cry about it because what is an anxiety attack without tears? I freak my daughter out. In between all this, I vent to friends who do wonderful things to calm me down. I put Em down for a nap and cuddle with her for a bit. Eventually I do calm down.

I need to remember to breath in situations like this. And that life is bigger than this body I life in, and that I will be ok.

And, in really bad situations, just remember that an astrologer told my mom that I would live into my 80's. ;)