a dribble of random

My life is so full of wonderful things right now. I feel so incredibly blessed. And proud of myself for having taken the time to refocus myself and decide where to put my time and energy. This last weekend I was up in Seattle for meetings surrounding youth ministry and also to spend time with really great people. And I came home feeling loved and comforted.

As some background on the youth thing, I took on a district volunteer role as an adult to a group of youth leaders. I was honored when approached about this, but a little nervous. Am I cut out for it? Will I really have the energy to put into it that I would like and that they deserve? I had just resigned from the district board because after two years I still didn't feel like sitting in those meetings was where I was supposed to be. I left the YES (Youth Empowerment Services) meeting this weekend inspired and excited to be working with such amazing people. So, I got my answer. Yes, this is where I want to be, this is something I can and want to do, and it's going to be fun to boot. It feels more like doing good things with good friends than work.

School starts tomorrow. I am ready to move on to the next step in my education, which is good because I just got a letter from the financial aid department that basically says "HURRY THE HELL UP, WE ARE TIRED OF GIVING YOU MONEY WHEN YOU HAVEN'T PICKED A PROGRAM YET!" I am now at the stage of applying to nursing schools and scholarships for said schools. It's intimidating and exciting all at once. I am also applying for some public health programs and the policy, public planning and management program at UO. Because I am just indecisive like that. I am also wavering between a degree in social work related stuff and Spanish. Ahhh options, you are such a blessing and a curse sometimes.

Last week my childs father and I had a conversation about how we should talk more because we, ya know, share a kid. I was so encouraged by this and was thinking "yes! he's has finally let go and is starting to think more about this!" until he said "can you just not date any men?" and my hopes were dashed. I am at a loss as what to do there. It really is important that we communicate more, for the sake of our child, but I am tired of feeling like it all hinges on whether I am in a relationship with someone else. Or whether I am PC enough around him to keep his temper in check. It has been almost five years since we separated and I am tired of being at a place where if I meet someone I could see myself with that I cringe and wait for the explosion. It isn't fun.

Ok, I have rambled enough, time to pick up Em from school...