Lessons learned in 2009-Not a ball of GO!

I am not one of those people who can go go go go go until all I am is a big ball of working GO. At the beginning of this year I had an awesome job. Awesome in the sense that had I really been cut out for it, I would have done great things. Not that I didn't do GOOD things, I just could have done better. Had I gone for gold, I would have sacrificed a good deal of my time with my daughter, which is not an option, and I would not have been able to be there for my family in the times they have needed me over the course of the last ten months.

This was also a big lesson for the feminist in me because it forced me to accept that I desire more stereotypically 'female' roles in life. I want to stay home and homeschool my kid, or at the very least play. My family is more important to me than my job and nothing can convince me otherwise. I want to cook for people, teach people, heal people. My 40+ hour a week job helping little college activists do their thing was great, but not satisfying in the way I have learned that I need in order to be able to pour my heart into my work. I had to accept that while I want to change the world, I definitely want to do it in my own unique way that is not at that pace. The next quest comes in discovering that.

This also brought along another lesson. I can't do everything I would like to. Especially not all at once. And I have to say no sometimes. This one has been in the making for years. But it definitely came to a head this year. I have had to sit down and really think about how I want to be spending my time and if I take something else on, am I going to be satisified with the time that leaves me for the rest of my life. In doing this I stepped back from a lot of volunteer work, I resigned from the district board, and I have taken less at church and school. The result? I got to spend the summer with Emily with little else to be responsible to. It was glorious. And this has also left room this fall to be involved with her school too. (OH GAWD! I'M ONE OF THEM! next stop the PTA meeting...) I learned all over again the joy and value of having true connection with my little girl, and was reminded over and over in all the small magical moments we shared why this is my priority, why this is what I am meant to be doing right now.

I guess you could say I got a dose of learning to bite off only what I can chew...