Death does not scare me. It is inevitable. No matter what path we are traveling, we will all end up passing through that gate. What happens beyond that, I am not sure. The timing of things fills me with sorrow and questions. Today I received news that a friend of mine from my YRUU days has passed. He wasn't older than 25. He has a child right around my daughters age. He was my waiter at Olive Garden what felt like two weeks ago. And now he is gone.
I hate the way the voice on the other end of the line sounds. The one, that when you pick it up and say hello, you can tell by the way they ask "How ya doin?" that they aren't really hearing the answer to the question they just asked because there is something terrible leaping up their throat and dying to get out.
I am filled with sorrow.
And maybe a little bit of guilt. That I never got back in touch. That I never reached out when I knew he probably needed someone.
"They won't know what caused it for a few weeks still but it looks accidental."
Intoxication loses it's fancy when that is possibly what helped kill a friend.
I want to hug him one last time. Thank him for his kind words that night and tell him how much the memory of them got me through. I want to whisper in his ear to hold on. I want to hold his child to comfort her, and I have never met her. I want to cry. I want to sit in that house with his parents, to bring some sort of solace, but I know I wouldn't be able to. What could bring comfort to a parent at a time like this?
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