"i've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you, each one a line or two, i'm fine baby, how are you?"

How is it November already? When did this happen? I did not consent! Not that it's too terribly bad, but as the end of the year draws near I recede into my little homebody shell once more and begin to take stock of what's what in my life. This use to also bring on a little depression and frustration that my life wasn't where I wanted it to be or thought it should be, but I find this year that I enjoy providing this opportunity for myself. The self reflection is a chance for me to slow down my life, and intentionally take a moment for me. There is a lot I could say that isn't going the way I want it to in life, but it doesn't matter. I have done what I can and will continue to do so. Beyond that, I haven't let it stress me out more than it should. And damn that feels good. And my house is quiet. It is home again. My mother moved out and sometimes the silence and emptiness shocks me when Emily is away at her dads, but I am also reveling in the physical space I now have. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I was able to put on music and sing to myself in the dark and disturb no one who had to be up in the morning. Ahhhh. It is so divine, the waking up back into my home that I feel like is taking place right now.

This weekend I head to Seattle for the young adult OWL training and to visit boy. I am looking forward to the training. And the boy. But the training is easy to talk about whereas the boy just makes me feel like an idiot when I try to say anything about the situation. Partly because there is intentionally no definition or label, which feels perfect for my life right now but makes it a bitch and half to figure out how to explain. Or process. I am ok with that for right now though. Back to the training. I have been trying to get to an Our Whole Lives training for years now. My church tried to send me to the elementary and high school ones, but it never worked out, so I am really excited to be going to this one. Not only because I think it's a great program, but because it is coming with the bonus of pertaining to my life too.

Emily and I recovered from our bout with swine flu quite nicely. I caught shit in the grocery store for wearing the shirt that I made myself. I think it's rather awesome, some people are more easily offended than me though, and while I feel bad, it makes me want to wear the shirt even more. (It has a winking pig on the front and on the back it says "I survived H1N1 and all I got was this lousy shirt") And while I am sorry that it offends, I really feel like at this point in my life, if I can't laugh at what isn't right and count my blessings for the things that are, I would be sad. And that is just not something I am interested in making time for.

I am going home for thanksgiving. Like, to my fathers. This has enough loaded history to give me material for two or three months worth of NanoWrimo. So I won't get into it here. Suffice to say, I am anxious yet excited and relieved. The older I get the more I accept that there are parts of that town that I love, that I will always love, and that intrinsically a part of who I am. And that I miss it. Yikes.