There is a fine line between being a relaxed, take it as it comes kind of parent and one that is neurotic and overbearing. At least there is for me. There are lots of things that set me over this line, all of which in time I am sure you will hear about at one point or another.
Today, as I sit here reading the news at my computer, my daughter asks me to turn on some music. Now, my kid has rhythm. More than I have ever had. And despite the fact that she has never in her life taken a dance class, the girl can dance. Like a 16 year old girl that is over-sexed, too mature, and can be viewed on the Disney channel at any given time of day.
First off, when did the Disney channel turn into a place in which to pour my little girl into the mold that society has decided she needs to fit into? And second, isn't it ironic that her father is the one feeding this into her brain? (Our two houses are so completely different that I have to remind myself constantly why we were ever attracted to each other.) I have come to the conclusion that he really just doesn't get it. I could talk to him about my concerns in this area until my face turns blue and he would still never get it. (That doesn't mean I am going to quit trying though.) I think the funny part is that this man is so over-protective of her physical self that he once told me when she was a toddler that if she hit her head one more time that he was going to take her to the emergency room. (I know, it doens't make sense on so many levels.)
To a degree, I can see how people would think that watching a four year old emulate grown ups is cute. I think it is incredibly cute to watch her do dishes with me, parent her dolls, or play teacher. It is not however, cute to watch her put on make up and say "there, now I am beautiful", to shake her hips suggestively and see that she has the facial expressions to go with it, and talk about how she has big thighs. This is heart-breaking to me. When I asked where ever she got an idea like that she said her dad's and his mother's house. Being me, I called his mom to talk to her about it. I started with the make up. "Isn't that just so adorable when she does that?" My response was "well, yes, to an extent until she says that she doesn't think she is beautiful until she puts on make up, which is not something that I am willing to let my child grow up believing to be true." Then the whole fat thigh comment. Ug. It makes me sick to even think that my beautiful little girl may be unhappy with herself at such a young age. She should not even know what body image is. Her grandmother laughed at first. I exploded. "This isn't funny or cute! It isn't cute to watch your beautiful little girl squeeze her thighs and say she is too fat! No matter what her size is. Do you really want to enforce that she grow up insecure and believing she isn't good enough the way she is? This is how you breed eating disorders! I can understand being concerned if she was leaning towards overweight, but even then, it would not be ok to tell her she is too fat. That isn't supportive, and it certainly isn't going to help. I am not ok with the fact that she is picking these things up from you. It doesn't matter if it is from TV or if she is hearing you say it about yourself, you are a role model and you need to act like one!"
*sigh*
Now, I don't think Em completely understands what it means to do such things, but habit becomes belief and I am not willing to chance it. She does enjoy putting on make up. Especially purple eyeshadow, all over her face. She is a theatrical person. This does not mean that it is something that should be encouraged or enforced as regular habit. I often get comments about how bold I am to let her pick out her own clothes. Partly that is out of necessity. The fight that ensues when what I pick is not what she wants is one of those battles that isn't worth fighting to me. Plus, she has a creative sense of style that incorporates her own personal comfort, and I don't want to squash that. And I would like to hope that by encouraging her to listen to herself before she can truly hear and understand the expectations of popular society, that maybe I am giving her helpful tools to resist. To be her own person. To embrace the extra weight if her thighs do get bigger, or the belly pouch if it develops, the hips, breasts, or softness that comes with being a woman. To help her know and love herself for who she naturally is, not who everything else wants her to be.
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